Article re-published from the Fall 2014 4-Thought Newsletter

On Relapse—Keep Coming Back!

I came to OA in 2012 having been completely defeated by food. I sat in the back of my first meeting—by myself— and cried because I had finally found a group of people that had problems with food as I did. They shared their experience, strength and hope, which in turn gave me hope for recovery. I immediately found a sponsor and started to work the program. I began learning a lot from my fellows and gaining new program friends.

Things seemed to be going along swimmingly until the voice of my disease started to get really loud in my head. Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling that iron dedication to program anymore – I began to believe that I had this abstinence thing licked and didn’t need the support of the group. Slowly I started to drop out of OA: first I stopped going to meetings regularly, then stopped calling my sponsor and talking to my program friends. My disease became more persistent, telling me I did so well with abstinence before that I was now ready to eat whatever I wanted and I could handle it. Thus began the start of my relapse or, as I’ve heard it called in the rooms, “further research.”

In a short time I ended up right back in the misery that brought me to OA in the first place. I humbly walked back into my meeting with my head hung low and started over.

My Higher Power gave me the courage to come back to the meeting even though it was humiliating to admit my relapse. I was welcomed with open arms and loving support.

Even though my road to recovery has been bumpy, OA has taught me so much about my disease. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a compulsive overeater and I know by working the program and using the tools that I will know peace and serenity unlike anything I’d ever imagined because I’ve experienced it and for that I am eternally grateful.

-Nicole S, Unity Intergroup, St Paul, MN

Article re-published from the Spring 2013 4-Thought Newsletter

The Gift of Abstinence

Abstinence has been on my mind a lot lately. Not that that’s new – I have committed to abstinence every day since July 19, 1990. I call my sponsor just about daily and start by stating my commitment to abstinence for another day. I do the same thing when I share in an OA meeting. But because we are celebrating the Year of Abstinence Awareness in 2013, I have been thinking about it even more than usual.

I had a conversation recently with another trustee who had just led a retreat. She related a conversation with an OA member who stated that she just didn’t want to give up the food. I under-stand that feeling, be-cause I felt the same way before I got abstinent. But as my friend told the other OA member, the food was robbing me of my life – and long before it would actually kill me.

I remember a time when abstinence seemed absolutely unattainable. Furthermore, I wasn’t at all sure that I wanted to get abstinent, because I was unwilling to turn my will and my life – and especially, my food – over to a Higher Power. The reality was that I had a lot of experience turning every-thing over, but it was to the disease of compulsive eating, which wanted to kill me, rather than to the care of a loving Higher Power. What I really wanted was to keep eating compulsively but not be fat, which was impossible considering the way I ate. What’s sad is that I was willing to settle for so little – as long as I could keep my binge foods, I was “happy”. The problem was that I wasn’t – I was miserable. I was also obese, ashamed, despairing, lonely, isolated, and angry. And no matter how much I ate, I could never get enough.

Today I am so grateful for the gift – GIFTS – of abstinence. I have a wonderful, full, satisfying life. I am maintaining a 68 ½ pound weight loss and a normal, healthy body weight. I have a closet full of clothes, all in the same size, because I have worn that size for over 22 years. I am emotionally balanced and spiritually centered. I have a relationship with a loving Higher Power that helps me deal with all of the things in life that I used to eat over. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and a wealth of friends, both in and out of the Program. I don’t hate myself, and can look at myself in the mirror and others in the eye without flinching. I don’t wake up in the morning regretting what happened yesterday and dreading what might happen today.

This gift of abstinence is available to every single OA member. Every day of my life I have awakened abstinent from compulsive eating. But for a long time, I promptly threw that gift away when I began eating compulsively. I got abstinent on July 19, 1990, and every day since I have chosen to keep that beautiful gift and all that comes with it. I have done that by abstaining from eating compulsively no matter what, and by working OA’s Twelve Steps to deal with life. In return I have received a life be-yond my wildest dreams.

My first sponsor said that when she got abstinent, she worried that she would be miserable with-out those foods that she had to give up. Someone suggested that she ask her Higher Power to replace those things with something better. Her experience, and mine, and every abstinent member that I have ever known, proves that the gifts of abstinence are infinitely better than anything we have given up – and it only keeps getting better. Today, I refuse to settle for any-thing less than all that abstinence and recovery have to offer.

-Teresa

Region 4 Trustee

 

Article re-published from the Winter 2011 4-Thought Newsletter

Slogan—”Let Go and Let God”

At first blush, this is an easy message to follow. But when put to the test, I see my gnarled hands locked onto that one thing I’ve been asked to release. And then with the realization of my iron grip, I give one last effort to hang on even tighter.

I continually see this counterproductive behavior played out at work, with my family and in social gatherings. Humility tries to get my attention, to say, “Hey, what’s all the fuss? Let go already.” But I’m too busy building my defense to prove the necessity to keep close tabs on a particular situation or event.

It isn’t until I’ve exhausted myself in sheer frustration, that I finally hear the murmur of , “Let Go…, you aren’t in charge like you think you are. Or do you really want to go through this again?” At my more lucid moments, I can smile and ask for guidance on how to let go when I don’t know how to handle this situation differently than I ever have before.

Turning over my life to my Higher Power grants me serenity I didn’t know possible. I am able to relax more in life instead of being hyper uptight. I have to remember it is by design that I can’t see around the corner in life, but HP can. Therefore with that simple realization I work on “Letting go and letting God.”

By Mattie F